Bokator 3

Are "Should" and "Ought" Blocking Your Path to Love?

How to overcome three intentional roadblocks to love
By Kathryn Lord
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: Nov 25, 2007

Have you heard yourself saying things like "I should be thinking about my Sweetheart 24/7 or I must not be in love" or "I should know if he (or she) is the right one for me"? Or how about "We should have... (fill in the blank: the same sense of humor, a similar background, or compatible taste in furniture)"?
I find that lots of singles have rules that guide their love life. Some rules make good sense (like only dating people who are really single and available, economically stable, and live within the law). But many rules are unrealistic, harsh, or based on romantic myths. Then these singles end up comparing their dates with their guidelines, sensible or not, and making life decisions that have enormous consequences.
I am a romance coach, but I have also been a psychotherapist for over 30 years. I learned long ago to listen carefully to the language my clients use when they talk about themselves and their lives. In particular, I'd watch for the words "should" and "ought."
What's wrong with 'should' and 'ought'
While exceedingly and commonly used, "should" and "ought" could easily be eliminated from our vocabulary. At the very least, we would all feel a lot better. Should and ought are guilt-producing words: "I should spend more time with my mother," "I really ought to lose some weight." The sayer doesn't really intend to do what he is shoulding or oughting. If so, he'd say, "I will spend more time with Mom," or "I'm going to start dieting today."
Shoulding and oughting are like giving yourself a lash on the back
Shoulding and oughting are like giving yourself a lash on the back: You are punishing yourself with your "I should" or "I ought" statements. Your guilt is eased with your punishment, making it possible to go on with your life, while never following through with what you said you should or ought to do.
In the case of love, shoulds and oughts give us a way out when we need it, just like being picky. Looking for love is loaded with anxiety: "What if it doesn't work?" "What if I find out I don't really love her?" "What if he finds out about (you fill in the blank)?" When your anxiety screams for relief, pulling out a good old should or ought can provide your escape hatch.
Top 'shoulds' and 'oughts': Road blocks to love
Let's look at some common shoulds and oughts more closely, so that we can see the errors in thinking:

1. "I should be thinking about my Sweetheart 24/7 or I must not be in love." Odd as it may sound, some people never feel the intoxicating sensations we think of as "being in love." The ability Some people fall in and out of love very easily, some people never do.
to fall in love is on a continuum:Some people fall in and out of love very easily, some people never do. Some people fall in and out of love
very easily, some people never do. Most of us are somewhere in between. Those people who never "fall in love" are still quite capable of loving and forming relationships. If you find yourself waiting for the "in love" sensation which never comes, the "I should be thinking about my Sweetheart 24/7 or I must not be in love" could keep you permanently single.

2. "I should know if he (or she) is the right one for me." Really? How? Of course there are better or worse choices, but assuming that your date meets your criteria of "good person" and the two of you enjoy each other, seem compatible, and don't irritate the heck out of each other, what more do you need? This "should" may be connected to your "falling in love" ability: If you are able to "fall in love," that biochemical process (it's like being drunk or high) helps surge you forward into a permanent relationship and over any questions or doubts.

3. "We should share the same ... (fill in the blank)." Why? One of the wonderful parts about finding a life partner is all the things that he or she knows and you don't, or is and you are not. Think of what you can learn from the differences. Or what you won't have to learn because your Yes, some similarity is good, but why would you want someone just like you?
partner already knows.Yes, some similarity is good, but why would you want someone just like you? Yes, some similarity is good, but why would you want someone just like
you? You may be pretty terrific, but how boring would it be to be married to your carbon copy!
So pay attention to your inner thoughts about love and your dates. If "should" or "ought" crop up in your thinking, take note and challenge yourself. You may have set up a condition that is road-blocking your search for love.

What is Procrastination?

People often wonder, what is procrastination? There are many degrees to the condition so that the question of what is procrastination can become a confusing one.

The best way to determine what is procrastination is to look at the effects of a behavior. The effects of procrastination and the root causes tend to be similar form person to person, such that they become a diagnostic guide to determining what is procrastination.

You can look at the following list of concepts and symptoms to determine if you are dealing with a case of procrastination and to evaluate how severe the situation is.

- Putting off a project until the last moment is procrastination. Procrastinating dramatically cuts down on the preparation time and the perfection time for a project.

Often, people who procrastinate feel they are flying by the proverbial seat of their pants, and their priority is getting something down on paper but not necessarily the best something they can produce. Procrastination is the opposite of proactive.

Proactive people start a project ahead of time to complete it ahead of time, allowing themselves enough space to complete their tasks at a pace that is comfortable. The pace of procrastination goes from zero to sixty the night before deadline, and this switch can be very stressful.

- Procrastination results from feelings of stress and anxiety. People who are anxious or overwhelmed may procrastinate due to fear of failure or a paralysis at the scope of the task at hand.

Sadly, the stress and anxiety that cause procrastination result in even more stress and anxiety. Procrastination is a self-perpetuating art until a person makes a commitment to be more disciplined.

- Procrastination does not always equate to poor performance. There are many people who have done amazing things, and they did them at the very last minute. You cannot look at a poor project and assume procrastination is the cause of the trouble.

Likewise, a fabulous project does not always mean hours of preparation and hard work begun weeks in advance in anticipation of the deadline. Quality is not always indicative of the presence of procrastination.

- Procrastination is a habit, and like any habit can be replaced by one that is more beneficial to you and your circumstances. You cannot quit being procrastination without replacing the procrastination with new habits that help you complete your tasks in a more timely and relaxed manner.

Procrastination is an elusive concept sometimes, because people can work very hard and be very successful at hiding their tendencies to procrastinate.

Taking on more than you can handle, failing to organize and a lot your time effectively, and taking too little time to relax when it is appropriate can all result in procrastination like feelings that will wreak havoc on your work schedule and your peace of mind.

Decide today to combat procrastination in your own life, and begin to take the small and easy steps to control this habit. Once you have answered what is procrastination in your life, determine ways you can address these situations to decrease your stress level and increase your amount of free time.

MOTIVATION FOR SUCCESS

Motivation is a significant factor for success in sports. Motivation and determination constitute a critical factor in how far an athlete will develop.With this characteristic added to an athlete's make-up, an athlete strives relentlessly toward his or her potential. Intense drive and determination may be the most distinguishing characteristic of young athletes who will rise to the top.

MOTIVATION RESULTS IN PERSISTENCE
Athletes want to win, to achieve, to excel. However, individuals with self-motivation and drive go after their goals with an unwavering intention that separates them from others. Their performance in training and in competition shows steel will determination and unflagging persistence.The level and strength of motivation impact directly on how well an athlete will persevere through rigorous training schedules, setbacks, possibly injuries and disappointments. With self-motivation, the athlete perseveres and remains unwavering in a focus on goals.

POSITIVE ENERGY FUELS MOTIVATION
Positive energy enhances motivation. Positive energy refers to being energized from positive sources such as team spirit, joy and love for the sport, a feeling of freedom, exhilaration. This skill of fueling performance from positive sources is associated with peak performance. By connecting to these positive energy sources, you can increase your motivation.With these types of energy sources, individuals can maintain and direct energy toward a goal over a long period of time. With positive energy fueling athletic performance, the body can maintain a state of calm and can be without unnecessary tension. Positive energy sources allow for sustained high level energy in performances over time and seemingly indefatigable reserves of energy for one's sport.

BELIEFS THAT SUPPORT MOTIVATION
Top achievers typically have a high level of self-confidence. They know what they want out of life. They know how to use their strengths to reach their goals. They tend to take more risk, but they are not afraid of failure.Overall, there is something about the nature of the beliefs that peak performers have that build confidence and spurs motivation. Sally Edwards, a world class triathlete, discussed the "incurable optimism" of top performers.High achievers hold beliefs that further and support their goals. They adopt beliefs which are consistent with their achieving success and high-level performance.

SELF-TALK AFFECTS MOTIVATION AND CONFIDENCE
Top performers mentally condition themselves with positive self-talk. Be sure that your self-talk supports your succeeding. By making adjustments in your self-talk, you can invigorate feelings of confidence and motivation.

One of the things that we know about top performers is that they use only two types of statements in their self-talk: encouraging statements and instructional statements. By following simple guidelines, you can alter your self-talk to follow in the mental tracks of top performers.

CONFIDENCE BUILDING TO INCREASE MOTIVATION
Motivation and confidence work hand in hand. If motivation starts to decline, confidence building techniques can help to bolster feelings of drive and motivation.

For more information about increasing your motivation by using positive energy sources, appropriate self-talk, and confidence building techniques, see Drive and Determination: Developing Your Inner Motivation in the books section. Drive and Determination presents a systematic program for developing heightened motivation.

Self Motivation Building The Techniques

Fear and reward are two most commonly used methods to build motivation in someone. But, these methods are temporary. The only lasting thing is self motivation. Motivation actually is the enthusiasm of doing something. It refers to inner feeling, strong desires, and expectation about something. You may sometimes loose the necessary level of the inner drive to get something done. Self motivation is what you need to boost the level of your inner drive to achieve your goals.

Self motivation is a form of self encouragement. You will say to yourself that you have the capacity to do better and eventually get whatever you want in your life. This inner enthusiasm will push you forward until you achieve your set goals. You may not even be aware of any reward in the beginning but you keep working on it. You work on it because your inner strength says that you can attain your goals. This is your will power - the driving force behind your self motivation. Self motivation is a combination of will power, goals and ability to continue attaining the highest level of your success.

You need self motivation to accomplish tasks you have now. Along the way, you may be facing with situations that are discouraging and can bring down your motivational level. You need to keep yourself really focused on your objectives to maintain the level of your self motivation. Here are techniques you can adopt to start acquiring higher motivational level and achieve greater success.

Writing Your Plan
Success does not come easy without any proper plan. Failing to plan is actually planning to fail. Therefore, you must give a greater emphasis on having well prepared plan to achieve your goals. You simply need to have your plan written on a piece of paper. Having your plan clearly written gives you more psychological inner drive to work toward achieving your goals. You create more enthusiasm and can see more clearly how you want to achieve your goals. Thus, your commitments will be much stronger.

When writing down your goals, state very specific terms. For example, if you want to accumulate certain amount of money, state exactly how much you want. You must also set a specific date to fulfill your goals and specific rewards for achieving your goals. Writing is not enough if you do not follow up with some reading. You have to make a point to read your written plan at least twice a day. Once in the morning before you start your day; and one at night just before you go to bed. This simple routine will keep you stay motivated.

Be realistic, things happen in life. Unforeseen circumstances may sometimes require you to make adjustments in your plan. Go ahead and make the necessary adjustments. But, try to maintain realistic limits. Do not make it too easy or too hard for you to achieve. Set it just right to maintain your motivation level.

Visualizing Your Goals
You need to simply make your goals as visual as possible to maintain your motivation at the highest level possible. If your goal is to own an apartment, find pictures of your desired apartment keep them in front of your eyes. Visualizing your goals creates a positive impact on your mind and keeps your motivation surging. When you feel very down, visuals will help you provide the necessary boost to surge your motivation level.

Like the written plan, you have to make a point to see the visuals at least twice a day. The images you see of yourself achieving the goals you desire will instill strong impact in your mind, which will control your actions to maintain your level of motivation.

Controlling Your Feeling
This one is not quite straight forward action. It has to do with your feeling in your mind. You need to control what you feel. Your feeling will reflect your mental attitude and moods. If you feel upset and depressed, you will feel as if everything crashes on you. This feeling reflects on your physical self. You will lose concentration and everything you do will be full of mistakes. You have to learn to start controlling your feeling.

The simplest way will be to start your day with a smile. No doubt this can be fake at times due to things that happen around you, but you have got to master this simple task to ensure that things around you will be pleasant and enjoyable for the rest of the day. You can feel the enthusiasm and energy level soaring. You will be able to stay motivated and spread positive energy around you.

Your mental and physical attitudes work closely. Hence, to stay motivated, learn to develop cheerful and confident characters by simply walking with your face up and smile on it. You will realize that your confidence and self motivation developing. It is probably kind of hard to maintain the action, but with time, once it naturally becomes your way of life, you are able to motivate yourself even during difficult times.

Giving Your Effort A Reward
You need to give yourself a reward for what you have achieved. This one simply acts as an appreciation to yourself in achieving your goals. You have to credit yourself for what you have gone through, your determination and your hard work in ensuring your success.

Earlier I said reward is a temporary method to motivate someone. In this case, a reward is not what keeps you motivated. It is just an element to add flavor to your self motivation exercise. You may want to think of a simple reward that sounds reasonable with what you have achieved. Do not get over excited about this. Meaning, the reward has to be at par with your level of achievement. Take this positively to further enhance your level of self motivation.

About the Author
Fadzil Dolmani
fadzil@wisdomgateway.com

Self Motivation Techniques

quoted:

1. Find a true interest in what you are doing. If you have no interest at all, it might mean you need to do something else. On the other hand, if it's just a task you dislike, relate it clearly in your mind to the greater goal. I don't particularly like to drive, but I don't have a motivation problem when I am driving to the mountains for a vacation.

2. Create energy. You need some energy for self motivation. Caffeine may help for a while, if it doesn't create other problems for you. You can also exercise and sleep well. Watch out for sugary foods - the "sugar blues" will kill your motivation. When you find energy boosters that work for you, make a list and keep it handy for future use.

3. Talk your way to motivation. This is one of my favorite ways to create energy and motivation. By the time I tell my wife about the article I'm going to write, I'm out of my slump and back at the keyboard. If the task itself is less inspiring, talk about the larger goals it will help you achieve.

4. Stimulate desire. Imagining their potential future motivates many to sign up for get-rich-quick plans. Good salesmen can put you in your imagined dream home in minutes, and you'll feel motivated to do anything to make it real. Why not learn to be your own salesman?

5. Stimulate pain. An effective Neuro-Linguistic Programming technique is to link pain with not acting. This

is what happens when you finally stop hitting that snooze button on the alarm because you think you
might
lose your job. Imagine any bad consequences that may occur if you don't do what you need to do.

6. Start with any small step. I have found that if I commit to raking up one bag of leaves, I soon want to finish the yard work. Training yourself to take any small step towards your goals is a great self motivation technique. Breaking larger goals down into small steps makes this even easier.

These motivation techniques really work, but don't ask me how to get motivated to use them. Anyhow, you already were motivated enough to read this far, so you'll be fine. Oh, and humor is technique number seven. Laughing can overcome that feeling of being overwhelmed that sucks away self motivation.

Fish Sauce

Southeast Asian fish sauce is often made from anchovies, salt and water, and is often used in moderation because it is intensely flavoured. Anchovies and salt are arranged in wooden boxes to ferment and are slowly pressed, yielding the salty, fishy liquid. The variety from Vietnam is generally called nước mắm- famous with some traditional brand names: nước mắm Phú Quốc (Phu Quoc), nước mắm Phan Thiết (Phan Thiet), and similar condiments from Thailand and Myanmar are called nam pla (น้ำปลา) and ngan byar yay respectively. In Lao/Isan it is called nam pa, but a chunkier, more aromatic version known as padaek is also used.
In Cambodia, it is known as teuk trei (ទឹកត្រី) and range from a variety of sauces using fish sauce as a base.
The Indonesian semisolid fish paste trasi, the Cambodian prahok and the Malay fermented krill brick belacan are other popular variations of the same theme. The similar Filipino version common to Indo-China is called patis. It is the by-product of a popular crude fish sauce, bagoong.

Naitei siki

It is just a ceremony to say that I am to be employed from April 2008. And this also mean that my student life remins 6 months. It's abit complicated because I dont know what is working life is, so eager to know, but really afraid of being busy and toughness of the work life. What they repeatedly advices was:

1) Enjoy the rest of student life
2) Acheive something
3) Be prepared for working life
4) Make a strong connection with people especially pp of the same generation

Bokator2

Shame of Thailand. They dont accept the Khmer, but they hungrily grab the khmer heritages.


quoted from: http://www.sherdog.net/forums/showthread.php?s=4281496cba5a40c6ea30fca87a6c4a56&t=525834

Bokator Khmer kickboxing from cambodia is the predecessor of Muay Thai and Muay Boran (ancient muay thai style ). Pradal Serey is modern day Bokator in cambodia. Bokator is an ancient martial art that has been around 800 to 1000 years before thailand was even a country. (note: thailand became thailand around 1400 ad ). Cambodia, or at least the empire has been around since 200 ad. The Thai's borrowed Cambodian language, clothes, music, and why wouldnt they borrow the martial art? This already known as a fact that they borrowed this from the cambodians ( the cambodians were influenced by India). Dont believe? type it in yahoo or google and read about it.

type "bokator" or "pradal serey" and read about it. All these Thai fighters from Thailand such as Baukaw (k-1 muay thai champion) and Tony Jaa( the thai movie star) are from Surin, Thailand. Surin, Thailand has a MAJORITY of ethnic cambodians living there. 70 percent of them still speak khmer even tho the Thai's took over this part of cambodia for over 300 years. Before that, the khmers ruled central and northern and southern Thailand, southern vietnam and souther Laos for over a 1000 years. Even in the province of Korat.

Their nationality is Thai but their ethnicity is Cambodian. Cambodians are darker because they live near the equator for generations and generations while Thais are light skinned because they came from China. Many supposed Thai fighters came from this area. If you look at Tony Jaa and Baukaw, they look cambodian, not thai, due to their darker skin when Thai's are usually lighter being migrated from southern China. If you want hard evidence, look at the pictures on the temple ruins in cambodia. The pictures show Elephants going into battle and men with swords and others with their knees up in the fighting stance. Bokator was used in hand to hand combat when weapons were not available. i juss visited cambodia a month ago and seen it for myself. Surin, is world famous for their Elephant celebration every year, which is also depicted in the movie "Ong Bak".

The story of Ong Bak almost tells the story on the ancient Cambodian temples. He fought all his enemies because of an elephant! Khmer temples are scattered all over Thailand. The Surin province also has Cambodian temple ruins taken over by the Thai's. Khmer architecture ruins in Thailand is well documented and cannot be argued. It is also documented that the Khmer empire was the first empire of southeast asia. Before Muay Thai, there was no such thing as Muay Siam ( Siam being the name of Thailand before it was Thailand.)

The reason why Muay Thai is more famous than all others of southeast asia is because the Thai's were not involved in any modern day war. how many of you even heard of cambodia until recently? well there are exceptions to those of you who are smart allecks. my point being is that the Thai's has had more success due to stability of their country allowing for successful advertisement of their sport. Im just tired of them getting all of the fame even though many of their successful fighters are of cambodian decent and the art of Muay Thai itself is the child of cambodian martial arts. Many of their fighters come from a region documented as part of the once great khmer empire of the 8th-14 century (there were previous khmer empires before this but this is the pinnacle of khmer culture.)

They are simply Khmers living in Thailand because the borders of the country was changed, the people did not change or moved. Thats like black people in America claiming they are american when its clear they are of African decent and bloodline. The Thai's have been taught in their households to look down upon their khmer ancestry because of the unsuccessful position of cambodia in recent times. If anyone is curious about this debate, dont believe me, look up the information yourself and be informed. I can name more reasons to support this but i juss simply dont have the patience to do it. if i did, id write a book and become famous. but i wont so its ur job to become wiser about the world.

Things to look at:
1. Bokator
2. Pradal Serey
3. Muay Boran
4. Surin, Thailand
5. Cambodian bas-relief
* look at the similarities of Muay Boran and Pradal Serey
* Wikipedia gives easy to understand information
* look at similarities of importance of elephants both in Surin, Thailand and importance of Elephants in bas-relief on cambodian architecture.
* look at thai peoples faces and how they differ from cambodians.
*notice the history of thailand and how cambodian culture predates thailand by over 1000 years..
* notice how when u look up thai temples and how much they talk about cambodia instead of thailand, which most are located in Khmer populated ares of thailand, which is also where muay thai is prevailant.

hope i informed many of you.

Bokator

I know the roots of Muay thai is from the Khmer martial arts dated back to the pre-Angkor period. But the will still think it's of Thailand.

I wonder if the actor Tony Jaa(real name: Phnom) of Surin identify himself as Khmer or Thai.
Video

I just know that the K1-Max Champion of whom I am a fan, Buakaw Por Pramuk (real name Sombat) is also a Khmer Surin.

I'm proud of them, I'm proud of khmer blood and khmer cultrue.

To my dissapointment, the world know them as Thai. The Japanese television says he is thai, that's why I thought he was thai. My doubt was, looking at his face, he look much Khmer.

Purpose of the Life

some quotes:

1:
「生きてるだけでまるもうけ」
という名言を残しています。解釈は人それぞれですが、生きるということは手段であって目的とか価値とかは存在しない、そんな気がするのです。生きていればどんな事にだって「できる可能性」はありますからね。その可能性があるだけでもまるもうけなんだとボクは解釈しています。
　強いて言うなら、その可能性の中からいくつか自分で選んだものが「生きる目的」になるのでしょう。その目的を選ぶためにも生きてください。

2:
『人は生きる意味を探す為に生きている』

3:
「天上天下、唯我独尊」 とは、 「我々人間は、大宇宙広しといえども、たった１つの、尊い目的を果たすために、この世へ生まれてきたのだ」 という意味である。
　言い換えれば、 「人生には万人共通の目的がある。どんなに苦しくても、その目的を果たすまで、死んではならない」 と力強く断言されたお言葉なのだ。
　その目的とは、苦悩の根源を断ち切り、『本当の幸福』になること以外にない。まさに、全人類が、日夜、真剣に追い求めているものである。

Goal of August

This month challenges :

1. L-P-V Gain Sched (LFT)
2. Understand more about LMI
3. Virtual NZ problem

Fresh Employees

There will be about 200 fresh employees entering the company. Among these, there is only me who is a foreigner. So I wont be able to find a foreigner companion. I really worry about that because working is different from studying. At school, even if you dont have a friend, you can study. But at company you have to work in team with high responsibility. What make me worry is that I'm ot good at communicating with people. hmmm...

Visa

Now I got you Passort. Uff... You dont know how much I was waiting for you. Be with me to Europ, I'll take care of you. I'll do anything to protect you. I really can't go alone without you. (hehe, they wont let me enter without you).

How to develop

How to develop the research. With application or theory? The theory is very difficult. Not sure that I can do it. Will try anyway.

International Conference

First time to present in the international conference. Dont know if I can do it. Will try my best. Ofcourse will enjoy the after conference stay. But still have trouble with the visa. When will you give the Visa? So troublesome. Nothing can do but wait. Document for visa are:

1. Application forms with aggrement and photo
2. 9800 Yen
3. Aiplane booking
4. Insurance
5. Bank statement
6. Passport with Reentry (At least 3 moths remains after the returning day)
7. Invitation letter
8. Scholarship certification
9. Student enrollment
10. Hotel booking
11. Alien card

At Last...

I did it at last! Well, hope that the company matches me. Hope I have chance. Hope to build a career.
Hope to have a place to live. Hope ... Also afraid that, Afraid that....
Full of hope and fears.

Pray for me !!!!!

Design

Today, want to make it look better so that I may come to see it often. Will try with the HTML tag.

Long Absence

Hmm, I have been away from your for a while blog. In this long absense, I feel that there are many things happened to me and that I should post in this blog. Well I was mostly about Job hunting, which I haven't performed well. What troubled me the most is the SPI in Japanese. But also, some say that I'm too dark ... Oh my budha, what I should do about this? Well, but anyway, I think it's the problem of matching. I will go to the place they need me. I will love sb whos loves me. Because, I can't change, I dont have confidence that I can change myself for you.

Still there have many things to do... Research, Conference.... And what bothers me most is my laziness !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ganbaranakucha cha cha ............